Something Blue
by angelgazing
Summary: "A man that was never really hers but always the one that owned her." Chlark future fic


  
**Something Blue**

  


She played with the barrette absently, opening and closing it again and again as she stared at the rich wooden door separating her from a cousin she used to idolize, one she adored still. Her only remaining relative. The one she couldn't look at lately for fear of bursting into tears or spilling the truth 

This was killing her. 

The bridesmaid dress she wore was too shiny, too poofy, too pale of a blue for her liking. It didn't flatter her figure, it didn't compliment her coloring, it didn't feel nice on her skin. Always one to go for the conspiracy theory she wondered if it wasn't chosen intentionally to torture her. 

Open and close, click and click. 

A tiny blue flower, much darker than the dress she wore, set in silver. A good luck charm that just brought her bittersweet memories and the sharp pains of broken heart that didn't seem to want to heal. A love she couldn't get over completely. A man that was never really hers but always the one that owned her. 

A man that was getting married today. 

Chloe chuckled softly, bitterly to herself, clutching the hair barrette in her fingers tightly. The silver dug almost painfully into her skin. Tears burned her eyes and blurred her vision. And here she stood, hiding from her cousin and the groom, always the bridesmaid and never the bride. 

It only stung more to know that he loved her. 

She closed her eyes, turning on her heel and heading out of the church, needing fresh air to calm her and hopefully dry her eyes out so the tears wouldn't fall. 

Double doors, large and green allowed her outside where the sun was shining too brightly and the birds were chirping too cheerfully and she was too miserable to be at a wedding. Always too something and never enough. 

Fear, pain and anger made her hands shake. Tears still threatening to fall and only made worse because the weather was perfect, even in Kansas in April. She wanted to be back in Smallville and fourteen again, watching Clark chew on a piece of hay, half listening to Pete ramble on about some girl at school she didn't know and dipping her feet in the too cold water of the pond on the Kent's farm. Before love and heartache had entered her universe on any level other than friendly or family. Before they'd known and been torn apart. 

God, she loved him. 

A tear slid down her cheek, burning her skin and ruining her makeup. 

She wanted to runaway to New York again. She wanted to be back in her cottage in a backwoods town that had a population of less than 20,000 and still had snow on the ground a week ago. She wanted to be in her quaint little house where she could pretend she hadn't given up every dream she'd ever had and write a novel that she had no intention of finishing and cry until she fell asleep so she wouldn't have to think about any of this anymore. 

_She inhaled sharply, sliding her hands over the wooden banister and half hoping for a splinter to distract her. The air was warmer now, spring making itself more known, but the wind still managed to make her shiver inside her strapless gown when it blew. _

The stars were bright and endless above, but too much time focusing on them just led her to think of other things. The full moon was hidden behind a cloud, but still she knew there would be no storm tonight. She was almost disappointed by that. 

Her senior prom and here she was outside, fittingly enough considering her entire high school career had been spent on the outside of everything. Outside of the group of three she loved so much, outside when that group became four, outside of the jocks and the cheerleaders, the popular people and the unpopular as well. 

She could have been popular if she wanted to be, in fact, there were surprising strides made by her in that direction. As evidenced by her date, for once not one of her best friends but a really cute guy on the football team that was smart, witty and trying his damnedest to charm her. But she didn't want to be popular, not really. She just wanted him to wake up and notice her, notice that she loved him. 

And by him she in no way meant the poor sap that was her date for the evening. It was unfair to keep leading him on, but then she did suspect she was just as much of a challenge to him as he was a way to prove she wasn't in love with Clark. 

Neither of them were fooling very many people, though. And after the second dance of her looking over his shoulder at Clark and Lana he'd broken away for some punch and she'd bolted for the door. Tonight wasn't supposed to be miserable. 

A gust of wind made her shiver again, and she brought her hands up from the railing to rub her arms briskly in hopes of warming them. 

"Still a little cool out to be wearing that, don't you think?" 

Chloe turned her head, dropped her hands in defiance, and shrugged. "I look good." 

"Yes, you do. Absolutely beautiful." 

Behind the church, where no one would stumble upon her unless they came looking, Chloe hung her head sadly, trying to gather her strength when all she wanted to do was be anywhere but here where she had to stand there and watch him say his vows to a woman that she'd tried so hard to be when she was too young to know better. A woman she admired and loved. A woman that just wasn't her. 

The double doors she'd exited from only moments before gave a groan of protest as they opened then closed again, and Chloe raised her head, refusing to let him know that her heart was being torn out with every moment that progressed. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was, she could sense him, feel him in every fiber of her being. 

All the years hadn't changed it. 

_Honesty was shining in his eyes, and the dim light from the stars and the propped open door behind them gave his face the illusion of desire. But it was just an illusion, it had to be. It was all just her imagination playing tricks on her because for so long she'd wanted him to notice her that way, to want her that way. _

"Thank you," Chloe whispered, smiling softly and allowing her eyes to travel his tall form. "You don't look so bad yourself, Clark." 

He shrugged his shoulders somewhat shyly. "The final issue of The Torch with Chloe Sullivan as editor being put to bed on schedule?" 

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm done." 

Clark frowned slightly at the comment, but his expression was unreadable. It made her shiver once more and wonder if the metallic blue of her dress, meant to match the boldness of her personality really hit the mark at all. Before she could continue, or argue, he'd slipped out of the jacket of his rental tux and placed it gently on her shoulders. 

His knuckles brushed her neck as he pulled it tighter around her. "It's sad when you put it that way, Chloe. The Torch is everything to you, you let it define you all through high school and now you're just done?" 

She turned to face him more fully, and when she did he pulled his hands away. "Well, I don't know about that," she smiled, hoping he wouldn't notice that she didn't mean it at all. "I think I may have scared my replacement into doing everything exactly as I would for fear of punishment by massive threatening e-mails from Metropolis U." 

"It'll never be the same," Clark answered, half a smile playing on his lips that just seemed a little too bittersweet for Clark Kent. 

"There'll be other papers, Clark. Bigger and better ones that I'll one day run with the iron fist that ruled The Torch." Her tone was teasing, but her words laced with her honest intentions. Ones that anyone that knew her at all had known from the start. 

Shoving his hands into his pants pockets, he rocked from his tiptoes to his heels and back again. His eyes had moved away from her, he had moved away from her until he was staring through the open door leading back to the party. "What if…" he started, only to break off, blush and shake his head. His eyes darted back to her and the words came out in a rush, "What if it's not as good? What if The Daily Planet doesn't mean as much to you and The Torch?" 

"Trying to depress me, Clark?" she asked instead of answering, confirming for him that she had the same fear herself. 

He laughed softly and leaned back against the wooden banister to he could see her face again. "Would I have to try very hard?" 

"What if these are the best days of our lives? Is that what you meant to ask, Clark? What if the real world is a bitch and we lose track of the few friends we've got and end up spending our time trapped in a job that we don't like as much as we'd hoped and so alone that the quiet keeps us up at night?" 

"Trying to depress me, Chloe?" 

"Would I have to try very hard?" 

"Not tonight," he admitted dejectedly. 

Whoever said time heals all wounds should be shot for giving her false hope. 

The knife in her gut when his skin came in contact with hers was as sharp and painful as ever. His large hand resting on her arm, just for a second before he wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on top of her head. "It'll be alright, Chloe." 

She wanted to shake her head, but ended up biting her tongue against a sob at the salt just poured into her newly reopened wound. She knew she should pull away from him, but she didn't have the heart. It seemed like she'd spent forever wanting to be in his arms, and now that she was it was tearing her apart inside. 

"It'll be alright," he repeated to her silent form, hugging her tighter and sounding just a little more tired, a little more hurt, not nearly regretful enough. 

Chloe blinked rapidly, and ended up spilling tears anyway. "Don't say that, please, just don't say that." 

"It will, Chloe." 

"Because," she went on as if he hadn't spoken, "it hasn't been since the last time you said that and I hate to think of you as one of those people that make empty promises." 

"Ok," he sighed, defeated and looking older than he should. They slipped into a silence, his arms still wrapped around her, neither wanting to slip back into the past, both refusing to let go of this moment too soon. 

_Chloe nodded, looked over her shoulder at the open door and fought against the sting of tears in her eyes. "What are you doing out here, Clark?" _

"Talking to one of my very best friends." 

"Why? Cause I was out here all alone and you thought I needed to be rescued? I don't." 

He almost felt insulted, and probably should have been hurt by her comment but the sting was lost in the blanket of truth. Chloe didn't need him to save her, and when she did she usually fought enough to hold her own against whatever force was holding her until he could get to her. "I just wanted to talk to you, Chloe," he murmured in his own defense. "I miss you." 

"I'm right here." 

"No you aren't." 

She'd turned away from him when the questions were starting to strangle her, and now she spun around so fast she nearly made herself dizzy. Reaching out, she touched his wrist then pulled her hand back to hold on tightly to the lapels of his jacket. "I've always been right here." 

"Not really. You haven't let me close to you for more than a few minutes when your guard dropped against your will since we went to the Spring Formal together. Since I left you there to go help Lana and you pulled the friends card on me." 

"You didn't mind the friends card, Clark. In fact, I'd say you seemed pretty relieved when I gave you an out." 

"I didn't want an out, Chloe. I wanted my friend." 

Her laugh could barely be heard it was so soft and full of bitterness. "You could have had me either way." 

"I haven't talked to you all week." 

"I figured you wanted me as far away as possible." 

"I did," she laughed softly, humorlessly. "It's just… this isn't easy, Clark." 

"Chloe," Clark sighed, his breath ruffling her hair. "It's not exactly easy for me either. I know this is.. an impossible situation. I really did try and talk Lois out of asking you to be the bridesmaid. But without getting into details…" 

"She's my cousin, Clark, the only family I have left since my dad died. I… I should want to be in her wedding." 

"But you don't, it's not a crime. But you probably could have just told her no, she would have understood. And I would have understood if you didn't even come today." 

_It wasn't until he pulled his hand from his pocket and brushed away the tears on her cheeks with his thumb that she realized she was crying. "No I couldn't have. Not like… I couldn't have you, Chloe. Not as anything more… And then I lost you as a friend too." _

"I'm always going to be your friend, Clark, I promise." She looked away, half waiting for rejection and half hoping for the same sentiments in return. "You probably want to get back to Lana now, huh?" 

She didn't give him a chance to argue before she'd slipped off his jacket, thrown it over the banister beside him and started walking away. 

"I'm still thinking about running away. Going back to New York, packing my bags and moving some place tropical where you two will never find me again." 

"I'd find you anywhere you ran, Chloe." 

"Why?" she demanded softly. "Why would you even want to bother and try to find me?" 

"You know why." 

_"I'm always going to love you, Chloe, I promise." _

And even though the desperate promise was just a whisper to her retreating form, it stopped her in her tracks. Made her turn on her heel to look at him in confusion. 

"But you love her," Chloe sighed, hating that it came out sounding more like a question than the statement of fact she'd been hoping for. She tried for a second to break away from him, but he just tightened his grip. Strong, unbreakable, and gentle. So Clark Kent it hurt. 

"I love her," he admitted. Ducking his head slightly, his next words were whispered into her ear. "But that doesn't mean I love you any less." 

"But you can't have us both, Clark. And you've made your choice very clear. Besides," she added, the word dropping her voice down to a whisper as well. "It's a different kind of love all together." 

"Would you hate me if I told you she's Lana?" 

"No. Yes… If you were anyone else and I felt any different about you, yes." 

_"Lana's… safe," he explained quietly, forcing her closer again by refusing to speak louder. "And you aren't, Chloe. Lana was always… she was always the one that I couldn't have, the one that was so high above me that I had it in my mind that she was an angel or something. And even after we became friends and then started dating… She was the safe option because when I got to know her, I knew I wouldn't fall in love with her. And, at least in my mind, as long as I'm not in love with her she's not in love with me. I guess maybe I was just hoping that would keep us both from getting hurt." _

"Love hurts, Clark. It's a fact of life." 

"Aren't we supposed to be too young to know that?" 

"I think we're supposed to be too young to know a lot of things that we do." 

"The thing is, Chloe, I know that I could be too in love with you to see clearly. And with Lana… I can still keep my head on kind of straight." Clark put his hands back in his pockets and stared down at his black dress shoes to avoid seeing her reaction. "You're going to go on and do amazing things, and I'd hold you back. We'd be great together, and I know that, but we're not right for each other. You and me… We'd just end up ruining everything, I'd crush you everytime by running off to help someone, and you'd always look at me like you did after we went to the Spring Formal together. I can't handle crushing you again, Chloe. I can't handle you looking at me that way for the rest of our lives." 

Chloe turned in his embrace, wrapping her arms around his slim waist. One tear fell and then another and she held onto him for dear life and he returned the hug just as fiercely. "I love you," she sobbed into his jacket. "A-And this just… God, Clark, it hurts." 

He nodded, kissed her hair and tried to pretend he didn't want to kiss her lips. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Chloe." 

She pulled away a few minutes later, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and she gave a watery laugh at the mascara smudges on her hand. "If I went and held up a store for makeup would you come and get me before the police come?" 

"Depends, would you do it just so the wedding wouldn't happen today?" 

"Hell yes." 

Clark chuckled and pulled her back into his arms. "In a heartbeat, Chloe." 

_She nodded. "You're forgetting that I know you, Clark Kent. Better than you know yourself at times, I think. Why do you think I let it slide so easily that you left me in the middle of the dance floor to go and save Lana Lang, girl of your dreams? I know that had anything happened to her you would have blamed yourself, and you shouldn't have, but I guess that if you weren't like that you wouldn't be you." _

"And that would be bad?" he asked, attempting a smile no more real that hers only moments before. 

"I hate to think where we'd all be without you, Clark." 

There was a flicker of something on his face, and she thought it was guilt but it disappeared behind a mask before she could be sure. 

"I wonder that too sometimes," he sighed. 

"The meteor shower wasn't your fault." 

He blinked in surprise. "Chloe?" 

"Oh, come on," she smirked. "I'm a reporter, don't you think with all the times you've just vanished into thin air I'd figure something out eventually? I mean, you leave all the pieces laying around…" 

"You never figured out I feel about you." 

"You kinda sprung that one on me. No pieces to see. No hints to find…" 

"I love you," he grinned. 

"I love you too." But her returning smile dropped quickly. "Of course, you also told me in no uncertain terms, "no chance in Hell" which shouldn't feel like this huge weight on my chest because I've always known that. We could be great together. I'd understand you running off to rescue people. That's who you are, Clark." 

His smile was slight, but there. "That's who I am," he agreed. "And who I am would strangle you." 

"Or maybe it's the other way around," Chloe frowned. "I'd strangle you. But so will Lana. I know this sounds cheesy, but you're destined to be something great. No one in this town is ever going to be able to hold their own to what I know you'll be someday." 

"Does Lois know who you are?" 

He shook his head somewhat sheepishly. "No. She… She hasn't figured it out yet, and it's seemed wrong to tell her." 

"Why?" 

"Because you figured it out all on your own." 

Chloe smiled quickly. "I always was the better reporter." 

"Why'd you quit?" Clark let go of her, walking past her to stare at the tiny backyard of the church before turning back around to face her. "You wanted to be a reporter as long as I've known you, longer than that even. Lois told me you got her started in journalism, and we both know you're why I'm a reporter. You're the best out of the three of us. Why'd you quit to move to an unknown town when Smallville seemed to suffocate you?" 

"Because… This was going to be your town, and I knew that. It was too hard to be close to you again, because even college and four years apart didn't change anything. I couldn't… I can't handle being close to you and knowing that I'll never have you." 

_"Let's not talk about destiny." _

"Scared?" 

"You remember the girl that sucked the life out of people to stay young and in high school forever?" 

"I think I remember all our encounters with the characters from the Wall of Weird. They're hard to forget." 

"Yeah, they are," he agreed. "I'm just thinking… Maybe staying like this wouldn't be the worst thing ever." 

"Yes, it would." 

"Come back to Metropolis… Kansas… Just come back, Chloe." 

"You still getting married today?" 

He stepped closer, wiping away the remaining wetness and smeared makeup from her cheeks. "You gonna ask me to dump my fiancé right before the wedding? Leave her at the alter minus a groom and a bridesmaid?" 

"Maybe she'd forgive us… Eventually." 

"We could runaway… Some place tropical." 

"Be together finally." 

"Say our vows to each other instead of other people." 

"As it should be." 

"Yes, exactly as it should be." 

"But it won't be will it?" 

Clark shook his head sadly. "No." 

"Because you were sent here to be something great, and Lois is safe." 

"God, Chloe, I love you." Cupping her face with his hands, he brushed his lips against hers, started to pull away until her hands circled his wrists. "I'm always going to love you." 

Her complexion was taunting her, her face turning red as her eyes filled again. Looking towards the heavens she blinked rapidly and bit down on her bottom lip. "Can… Can we just not do this again, please? I can't. I'm sorry." 

_"Why?" _

Chloe shrugged her shoulders, picked his jacket up and slipped it back on. "Because… I don't like staying in one place for too long." 

He nodded in understanding. "And it seems like we've been here forever." 

"It really does," she laughed softly, casting her eyes downward. "It's not going to change though, is it? No matter where we are or how many years go by, we're going to still be here aren't we?" 

"That's the way it has to be," Clark whispered, his words sounding too weary for someone so young. 

He had an almost overwhelming desire to be the one biting her lip instead. And even as he watched her nearly draw blood while trying to keep from crying, he wanted to kiss it better. It all just seemed to confirm the thing he always knew in the back of his mind. He could drowned in loving her. 

Clark dropped his hands from her face, his wrists pulling from her grasp and scraping against something she had clutched in her hand. X-Ray vision could be so useful sometimes. A quick glace and he knew exactly what it was. 

"Why do you have that?" 

She looked confused for a second, but when he took her hand and gently straightened her fingers, it all seemed to clear. And the explanation tasted too much like a betrayal for her liking. "Lois needs something blue. It's part of my job in this wedding. Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue." 

The jeweled silver looked tiny in his palm when he took it from her, Clark smiled slightly. "Find something else, Chloe. Not this." 

Her hair was longer than it'd ever been now, pulled up into some bazaar twist that was so tight it gave her a headache. But some of it was still free, framing her face with curls that she thought looked just a little too Shirley Temple for a full-grown woman. He pushed the curls back on her left side and secured them with the barrette. 

"There is nothing else, Clark," she muttered sometime later, finally pulling herself from the memories and his eyes. "It's no big deal, I'm just letting her borrow my favorite blue hair barrette." 

"You haven't worn this since our senior prom, have you?" 

Laughing softly, she hoped she didn't seem guilty. "Not worn per say…" 

_"Your date is probably wondering where you are," Chloe sighed. _

"Pete's keeping her occupied." 

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask. For once, she wasn't sure she wanted the answer. 

Clark, for his part, blushed. "I just needed to talk to you, Chloe. I… I just needed to before you left. Besides, Pete told me if you had a horrible time he was blaming me and calling a press conference." 

"He's got good blackmail material." 

"So do you." 

"I'm not going to tell anyone, Clark. You can trust me." 

"I know." Brushing his thumb across her cheek, he smiled softly. "One dance?" he asked, effectively dropping the topic. 

Chloe nodded as she stepped toward him, her forehead falling to his shoulder as he held her tight. They swayed to the slow beat drifted to them from inside, refusing to listen to the lyrics because they'd probably be too sappy or hit too close to home. She listened to his heartbeat and followed his lead. 

Sometime near the middle of the song they'd stopped moving, and she raised her head, tipping her chin to look at him with the question written in her eyes. He didn't answer her, just slid his hand from the small of her back to her shoulder, then up her neck to cup her cheek. "I wanted to kiss you last time we danced." 

Licking her dry lips, her eyes dropped to his mouth. "I wanted you to kiss me." 

His lips dropped to hers, barely a kiss at first the contact was so light, but her hand grabbed at his shirt, pulling him closer. The encouragement was all he needed, connecting their mouths more firmly, he couldn't help but think that this is what he'd always wanted. His fingers tangled in her hair, and he was just glad to know she wouldn't yell at him later for ruining the perfect style she'd finally managed. 

That just wasn't her, Clark reminded himself as he deepened the kiss, prodding her mouth open beneath his. That was Lana, his girlfriend. 

When he broke apart from her it was with a mild curse. "I-I'm sorry." 

Chloe shook her head. "I'm not complaining." 

"You're better than this," Clark told her, still able to taste her. 

"So are you," she sighed, wiping her lipstick off his face. 

Brushing his thumb under her bottom lip to try and erase the smear of lipstick there, he actually had to wonder if he was. His hand dropped when she stepped back, running her fingers through her hair to try and tame it once more. 

"Where's-" 

"Chloe!" her date shouted from the door, stepping out and giving Clark a dirty look. "What are you doing out here? I've been looking everywhere for you." 

"Too many people in there," she answered, not meeting either pair of eyes. "I came out here to get some air… And now I've lost my hair barrette, Clark was just helping me look for it. It was my mother's, so it means a lot to me." 

All three immediately looked at the wooden deck below their feet. "It's got to be around here somewhere," Clark muttered, finding it right away but pretending to be searching for effect. 

"I don't see it anywhere." 

Chloe nodded. "It's alright, I'm just going to look for another minute." 

"Whatever. I'm going to go grab a dance with Lana while Clark is busy. I'll see you back inside." 

They watched his retreating form and let out sighs of relief when he was back inside. 

Clark bent down, picked up the hair barrette and placed it in her waiting palm. "Was it really your mothers?" 

"Of course not. I bought it at the mall the other day because it was the same color as my dress." 

They laughed softly together, but the mood between them was still unhappy. "We should get back to the party," he stated. 

She nodded in agreement. "Your girlfriend probably won't like it when she finds out you've been with me all this time. You should do some damage control." 

"Right." Looking at her sideways, his shoulders slumped just a little in defeat. "I meant what I said, Chloe." 

"So did I." Slipping out of his tux jacket, she handed it to him, watched as he put it on. 

"It'll be alright, I promise." 

For the first time in a long time, she didn't believe him. "Goodbye, Clark. 

"You're really gonna let Lois wear it?" 

"I can't think of anything else, Clark." 

He nodded. "I still don't like it." 

"You're still getting married today though aren't you?" 

"Yeah." 

It was Chloe's turn to nod. "Maybe it's time for me to let go of it," she sighed. "Anyway," she added nervously, "I have to go fix my makeup and make sure Lois isn't having a nervous breakdown because I disappeared." 

"I'll see you later then?" 

"I'll be the one holding the flowers for your bride." 

Sighing, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "When we come back from our honeymoon you're going to have moved and changed your name aren't you?" 

Unsure of how to answer his accusation, Chloe shrugged. "Make sure that at the reception you save me a dance." 

_"I know soon you'll be   
Over the lies   
You'll be strong   
You'll be rich in love   
And you will carry on   
But no, oh no, no you won't be mine"   
-Matchbox Twenty 'You Won't Be Mine'_


End file.
